Yee-hah!

My CIZE workout was fantastic today. I feel like I'm buzzing! I even went back and did the CIZE it up part from yesterday's workout and it was like night and day!

This morning, I woke up, had my coffee and did the Loving Kindness meditation before working out.
Had my Shakeology and another cup of coffee later.
Had some soup with Miracle Rice and a salad for lunch.
Had a SF Red Bull before my CIZE that I started about 3:35 or so.
I also laced up my sneakers more tightly and my knees felt much better in the workout.
I did some of the moves better in CIZE and I think that was because of the sneakers as well as having done the workout several times.

Not snacking throughout helped me with my energy and drive.  I read my 30 day goals this am as well.

And I got a lot done work wise and around the house.

Not watching tv helped a lot.  It is such a time suck. So is FB though and I was definitely on that.  Off to have a protein shake and work some more.

Onward!

I was disappointed with myself today.  Last night I was supposed to go into the city for a workout but the trains were all screwy so I got so frustrated that I got a burger and milkshake followed by a frappacino.  Then I came home and ate even more.  I went to bed late -- past 2:30am and this morning was really off my game. I started my workout late -- 21DF Cardio Fix -- although I did make some gains there.  Got my knees higher for the high knees exercise and modified the mountain climbers to the standing version.  And then I ate badly again. Fell into bad habits and when I did my CIZE just now I had no umph. I was probably doing it at 50% and could barely move.  Not sure why I self sabotage this way.  Lack of sleep leads to poor eating choice.  I have 42 days until my birthday and I want to get better. Build better habits.  My eating has been such a source of frustration these days.  I set out to do one thing and then it all falls apart time and time again.  I'm trying to practice self-compassion but keep falling short.  

I'm going to practice the Loving Kindness Meditation daily that my therapist told me about and hope that puts me in a better frame of mind to make loving, nurturing, soul enhancing choices for myself.

Onward.

Today was 21D LF.  The wins: My form on the curtsy squats has improved as well as the calf raises. I definitely had better balance this workout than last. I used 3 lbs throughout but I'm going to up to 5 lb weights for next time.

I feel like I could do better on the fire hydrants toward the end.  Maybe I should try on my elbows instead of on my hands so I can focus on my form better.  Didn't really "feel" all the reps.

Today is first day of Tulin's plus size support group and am excited to focus on the next 30 days and transform my body and mind.

I got this.

Onward!

Finished the 6 week CIZE rotation today!  Never would have thought I could  have learned all those routines but I did. Today's workout was especially great because I gave it my all and put a lot into the movements and considering how frustrated I was when I first did Livin' in the 8s, my attitude was a total 180.

I also started the second week of 21DF -- Total Body Cardio Fix. I modify the surrenders by doing step ups on my Firm box.  Still really challenging. I know I'll be feeling it tomorrow.

I did these workouts back to back, which I don't often do because I wasn't sure if I would be able to workout later.  It feels really good to be able to workout for an hour and a half! I've really come far in my fitness and want that success to carry over into other areas of my life.

Onward!

CIZE Livin' in the 8s for my a.m. workout.  Fourth time doing it and feels so good to get those moves down.  It is the longest one in the set I think (50+ minutes) and when I mentioned to Coach Tulin (my Beachbody coach) that it was so long she said, "Well, you earned that workout!"  What a great way to think about it. It is the last in the basic set so I'm six workouts in and tomorrow will finish the rotation.  Going to start again on Monday with the Weight Loss Cize rotation.  This time I hope to really be able to 'live' (as Shaun T would say) in the moves.  I want to not have to think about them so much, and put more expression and passion into dance.

So yesterday, my joints -- esp my knees -- felt so creaky as I did CIZE and 21 DF Cardio Fix.  I ate a lot of sugary treats the day before and I think it had an adverse effect on my body.  It isn't just about weight loss but how my body feels and yesterday it felt sluggish and uncomfortable.  I need to keep that in mind as I think about how best to fuel my body.  If you feel bad you are less likely to exercise and then it all starts to go downhill.

Up later today is 21DF Yoga Fix. Pulled out my yoga blocks just in case although I can't find my yoga strap.  Tulin had a good modification for downward dog for the PiYo workout that I may use here if that move is present.

Also, today, Tulin asked us to come up with what we hope to accomplish over the next 30 days.  Here are my health and fitness goals:

1. Drink Shakeology after a.m. workout

2. Have two salads a day

3. Incorporate eating meditation

3. Finish CIZE weight loss rotation

4. Complete at least one round of 21 DF

5. Lose 10 lbs by birthday

6. Read something motivating every time I go in kitchen

7. Improve form with planks and push ups

8. Approach this process with an open heart and mind

9. Incorporate the 21 Day Fix eating plan

10. Make not eating after 8pm a habit

11. Drink gallon of water daily

12. Keep in mind that I am an athlete-in-training

13. Celebrate the wins daily -- large and small

14. Practice self-compassion daily

15. Take meals at dining room table

16. Practice mindfulness when eating

Today's workout was 21 DF Dirty 30.  Tough.  There were some side planks I was a little too chicken to try.  I modified the modifier.  My abs were hurting -- and not in a good way -- during the chest fly/lower leg combo so about the halfway mark I dropped the leg portion.  Have to be mindful because of past surgeries. Looking forward to getting strong enough to do them.

So yesterday my eating was horrible.  Too much sugar: a cookie, bubble tea, frozen yogurt with lots of candy toppings.  And then too many dang pistachios.  Also, I ate after 8pm, which I've stopped doing over the past few weeks. This morning I felt so sluggish. I think it affected my workout and it is for sure affecting my energy. Easy to see how something like this can snowball.  I don't like how eating all that stuff made me feel.  A little is fine but it was just too much.  My goal is no sugar (like in treats but also the hidden sugars in stuff like ketchup, sauce) until my birthday in October, which is roughly six weeks away.  I'll allow myself some fruit and wine, though, as allowed during the 21 Day Fix eating plan which I plan on starting soon.

Today I kind of want to give my body a rest. Fill it with good green stuff to counteract the effects of the stuff I ate yesterday.  And next time I have frozen yogurt I'll stick to the fruit toppings!

Crushed my 21 Day Fix Cardio today. And by that I mean I didn't do everything perfectly but I stuck with it and modified the modifier if need be. I can't do mountain climbers on the floor (after so many abdominal surgeries I have to be really careful with core work) so after the workout I googled standing mountain climbers and am ready for the next time!  Also, before I started 21DF I did T25 for about a week but there were so many planks and push-ups that I couldn't do because of my core issues.  There was a good modifier for burpees though that I was able to use in 21 DF Cardio, which goes to show that we do what we do and we get what we need.  My short stint with T25 wasn't a waste because I got something out of it and I fully intend to go back to it when my core is more strong.

Onward!

Shaun T is my guru (or at least one of them)

So today was my second attempt at doing Livin' in the 8s from Shaun T's CIZE series. It is the longest workout so far -- 50+ minutes -- and the most complex choreography.  When I tried it yesterday I felt so discouraged even though I always feel that was the first time I attempt a new routine. Although I did acknowledge that I finished the workout and didn't quit so should gave myself props for that. I usually pick up the moves by the third time I do the new routine.  Today's workout felt so much better.  I was proud of myself for how much I improved from the day before.

I want to bring that same kind of awareness to other things in my life.  How awkward and frustrating something feels like until you "get" it. Maybe it is that way with my eating as well.  That it is full of frustration and ups and down until I really make that connection and get out of my own way. Yesterday I knew that my anger was an illusion, something I was creating, that I was making myself upset despite the knowledge that I was going to improve and that wouldn't always feel this way when I did this workout.  The key is to not quit, to believe it is going to get better, to have faith in the process.  I need that with my eating as well.  And in other areas of my life.

I'm on Day 3 of 21 Day Fix and am loving it. Was nice to feel sore and be able to do all the moves.  I'm behind on my CIZE workouts.  Haven't done for three days.  I wonder if I got burned out on Shaun T since I was doing both CIZE and T-25?  I'll be getting my CIZE in tonite, however.

I signed up for the Dirty Girl Mud Run in May 2016.  It's a 5k.  I'm hoping training for that will increase my focus since I'm not just trying to lose weight but I'm actually an athlete in training!

Training note: Yesterday did 21DF Upper Body and used 3 lb for shoulders.  Will up that for next workout.

Also, today used 3 lb for the 21DF Lower Body and will up that to 5 lb for next workout.

I like seeing where I can push myself and also proud of my progress that I don't always have to follow the modifier but so glad she is there.  Today I modified these quad and inner thigh lifts and they were so tough. The move looks simple but it really challenged me and I could feel it in my core as well.  Looking forward to getting stronger.

Today's workout

I am week 2 into a T 25 rotation. My core is really weak and I am prone to hernias so I am very careful about the planks.  Today's workout, Total Body Circuit, had a lot of planks and I felt discouraged because I couldn't do the moves.  Also, I really rely on the modifier and sometimes the camera didn't show what she was doing until half or towards the end of the move.  As I do the workout more, I'll know how to modify better but today's workout was tough and not because of the moves but because of my attitude.  I know I'll get better but in that moment I was incredibly frustrated.  So I researched plank and push up modifications and have some strategies for how to approach this workout as well as Ab Intervals, which I do in a few days.

I am also doing CIZE and am on week 5 of that.  Love Shaun T and dance.  Feel so grateful to be able to do these moves after all the health issues I had in the past.  Am going to do my CIZE workout a little later today. I usually make it my second workout of the day because it really doesn't feel like working out -- aside from the breathlessness and sweat.  It really does get the heart rate up but Shaun T is so engaging and encourages you to put your personality in the workout so it can really feel different from day-to-day depending on what you put into it.

Also, I've pledged to weigh myself weekly (vs daily/every few days).  Weight should be another metric I use in my journey to optimal health along with blood glucose, body measurement, energy level, quality of sleep, how clothes fit, how my body moves and what I am able to do with it.  Right now I am giving that number too much power.  It can color my whole day.  It is great when the scale moves down but sometime it goes up and that shouldn't discount all my effort or discourage me, which is what is currently happening.  I'm not going to hate myself thin so I've got to give that number proper perspective.

Rockin' Journey

I've been going through a challenging time lately and have had a hard time being consistent with my exercise.  Add in that I've been diagnosed with a double hernia and I've been confused about how to exercise.  I was doing a TurboFire rotation (which I did not keep up) and subbed a Shaun T Hip Hop Abs cardio for one of the workouts.  Man.  I hadn't felt that happy in a while.  And then I saw two videos of Shaun T dancing:  one to Single Ladies and another that was his entrance at the BB Coach Summit.  I couldn't stop smiling.

I'm not the greatest dancer but I love the way my body feels when it moves.  I did Zumba a while ago and enjoyed it so much. I never thought I would take a live class BUT THEN I got too much in my head.  I glanced at myself in the mirror at class and realized that my actual movement didn't match what I thought I was doing in my head.  And so, I started to feel self-conscious and what had been a soul thrilling workout for me started to lose its luster.  I did the workouts at home, but it wasn't the same.

Now I realize that everything starts in your head.  "As a man thinketh...."  I should have held onto the image in my head until the outside caught up.  That is true with everything.  Weight loss, relationships, success.  It all starts with the vision in your head and you hold it dear until the rest of the world catches up. 

So, now I am on Day 2 of Rockin' Body.  I finished Disco Groove at 35 minutes and at one point during the workout I actually thought, "Hey, where did the time go?"

Shaun T is so inspirational and when he said "Live!" my body screamed "Yes!"

I plan to finish the rotation and LIVE!!!!  I am going to enjoy the moment, the movement, and let the dancer inside my head shimmy to her heart's content.

Whole 30 Complete!

I finished my first Whole 30.  Woohoo!  I did have one cheat day on my fiance's birthday, had some tabouli another day before I remembered it had wheat in it, and once had bacon, which may have had some sugar.  But, overall, I am pretty proud of how I did during this Whole 30.

During the first two weeks of my Whole 30 I kept regaining and losing the same 2.5 lbs, so I stopped weighing myself so I wouldn't get discouraged.  I do feel good and am looking forward to having bacon for breakfast today (the bacon does have a small amount of sugar). 

Things I am going to keep doing:  watch all sweeteners -- even stevia.  Honey, maple syrup, stevia do have a place in my diet, but sometimes I reach for them without much thought, like honey as an automatic response to having tea, or stevia in my coffee.  Robb Wolf wrote that coffee doesn't have to taste like dessert and that made going without stevia in my coffee a little easier.  I don't miss it, and rather enjoy my coffee without it (especially the bulletproof coffee).  I am also going to continue to limit dairy.  My body doesn't love it, and I won't get rid of it entirely, but no need to make it a significant part of my diet.

I am going to bake a loaf of paleo bread using almond flour today and that does use honey, but I will feel more control after this Whole 30.  In the past, when I've backed paleo bread, I went kind of crazy.  I feel the Whole 30 allowed me to feel more in control of my eating.

I still need to work on portion sizes and calories do count, even on a paleo diet. 

As for measurements, I lost 5lbs and 2.75 inches (curiously, my waist went up half an inch.  grrrrr.)

My current workout is RKS kettlebells.  Also, I am going to add in DDP Yoga, when it arrives.  I do need to up the cardio and next week and joining a walking club in Newark that meets during the week.  I hope to do 2-3 walks a week.  I have been lax in my cardio training, but I do get a cardio benefit from RKS and I've done the beginner workout for DDP and can feel my heart rate going up.  Today, my heart monitor arrives and I'm excited that I will be able to add that data to the mix.

I will do another Whole 30 -- maybe I will add them to the mix seasonally. 

Onward!

Day 11/30

So I am on my 11th day of my Whole 30.  I really want to honor the promises I made to myself.  I have been doing well, but my sweetie pie's birthday is coming up and we are going to go out for dinner. No carbs, no sugar, no alcohol, may be a challenge.  So for the past four days, I have been in agony physically.  Not sure if it is because I am not getting enough fiber or because of "female" reasons, but I have been bloated, crampy and haven't been feeling optimal.  Two nights I was in so much pain, I couldn't even sleep.  I've been taking pepcid and using hot water bottles at night but I still slightly feel off today.  I even felt like I was bloating after my green drink, which is very odd. 

And it has affected my workouts.  I didn't workout at all the day before yesterday -- I had a step workout on schedule, and attempted it yesterday and only did 2/3 of the workout.  I also have a weight workout on schedule today but kind of don't feel like it although I will do it.  For sure.  I am not feeling so badly that I can't workout and I don't want to lose any gains -- especially because I am sure I'll be feeling better in a day or two and don't want to be mad at myself for not keeping my commitment.

Onward and downward (in terms of the scale and measurements!)

Whole 30 Challenge

Today I am starting both a Whole 30 Challenge (http://whole9life.com/2012/01/whole-30-v2012/) and doing the Cross-Training Les Mills Pump rotation, which is also 30 days. For the past 8-10 weeks I have been doing the Pump rotation. I have definitely gained muscle but not lost any fat. The Cross-Training rotation will help with fat loss as well as the Whole 30. I made a fritatta last night with ham, spinach, mushrooms, onion and eggs. I'll have turkey in my salad. And for dinner I will have a steak and some veggies. I really want and need to see major transformation. I look at the Pump rotation as setting up the foundation. I am transitioning to a Paleo/Primal way of eating and hope the Whole 30 will be a reset for me.

My workout today was a 30 minute step routine.  Wowza.  I didn't use any risers and had a hard time keeping up.  On the plus side:  there is much room for growth.  This was definitely a sweaty one.

I am also using my Zaggora Hot Pants.  I am going to wear for two weeks to see if I get any loss.  At the very least it is additional warmth that could help get my muscles warm.

Breakfast:  Mushroom, Spinach, Ham, Onion, Garlic Frittata.  Found on the Easy Paleo site.  Used my cast iron skillet, which I just bought this weekend, to make.  And made enough to last for four meals.

Lunch: Salad with peppers, avocado and deli turkey.  Not a big fan of deli meats, but am going to use because I already have on hand.

Dinner:  Steak and stir-fry veggies.

Feeling good....

Today I started a new kettlebell routine -- MB45. It is a 6 week program. The beginner's workout this morning was under 20 minutes, but wow, do I feel it in my abs tonite. Lots of planks held for 20 seconds at a pop and I did them all with straight legs and not on my toes! Yay! I'll be doing burpees and mountain climbers in no time!

I took before pics and my weight and waist measurements. I also decided to start doing the Belly Fat Cure again. I was looking at Belly Fat Cure Fast Track, and primal and paleo diets, which eliminate all carbs but I couldn't seem to stick to it. I'm hoping that by adding carbs back in as part of my daily diet, that I will be able to see some progress. I did really well on the BFC last year, losing 35 lbs, and since then I've stalled. My goal is to lose at least 15lbs over the next six weeks and to start doing burpees instead of sitting them out when they come up during a workout. Every time I don't even try, I feel like I am letting myself down, but it looks like such an intimidating exercise. But I will do my best. You have to crawl before you walk and the way I'll do these burpees may not be pretty in the beginning, but I will give it my best effort.

Holla!

Lessons and Progress

Read over my earlier entries -- especially the Transformation Week #1. My mindset is so much more positive now! I do have ups and downs and sometimes slip into old, discouraging ways of thinking but I am more aware of it and work hard to change my thoughts.

Yesterday I was in Zumba and I totally wasn't feeling it. My spirit was low, I felt sluggish. I thought back to something I learned in Intensati. During an Intensati workout you say affirmations so you can connect that thought, that feeling with the movement. So during that class, I tried to remember how great I felt in the past with the movement -- not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually. And I felt something inside of me start to change, I wiggled it -- more than a little bit. I let loose in that class and did everything except make jazz faces while I did the movement (although that wasn't too far behind). If we can control our thoughts, we can be so powerful! Of course, this is an ongoing process for me, but if you do it once, you can do it again.

My trainer, Jeff, and I have added boxing to my workouts. The combos can be tough but with repetition you gain muscle memory and eventually the movements become second nature. You can do them with good form without even thinking because you have the fundamentals down. I think this applies to so much in life. If we keep practicing the right thing -- whether it is treating people right, getting enough rest, making good eating choices -- eventually it becomes second nature and doesn't feel like a struggle. Keeping that in mind helps me because I realize that I am on a journey and even if I don't get it right this time, just by doing it I am setting myself up for success in the future.

Just finished a workout that lasted for more than 70 minutes. Who? What? I did that! I never thought I would be able to do a workout that lasted for more than half an hour. But I've been taking Zumba for an hour, working out with Jeff for an hour, and thought I was strong enough to hold myself accountable for that longer workout without the support of a class or instructor. Now, I didn't do every movement perfectly or with as much intensity as I would have liked, but I know I will grow into it.

More to come!

Week #6: Positive Mindset

"Making and maintaining meaningful change requires something much more than reshaping your body. You must strengthen your ability to control, refocus and renew your mind on a daily basis. When you do, you'll be able to transform procrastination, uncertainty and negativity into authentic confidence, positive focus and brightened clarity. And that is going to help you transform your life." -- Bill Phillips

Three examples of uncertain thoughts I have experienced so far in this challenge process which have caused me to delay or procrastinate are:

Why am I doing this? I have done it before and failed and I will fail this time too.
My stomach is never going to go down.
I can't do this. It is too much.

Three new empowering thoughts which I can shift my attention to are:

All those failures have set you up for success. You can't be a success without the failure to learn from.
My health is improving and my stomach is getting stronger and smaller.
Every day is another step toward my goals, and the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Take it one day at a time.

A description of how I envision my future, healthier self goes like this:

I'll be going up steps and feeling invigorated. I'll be very physical and will feel motivated. My core will be strong and I will compete in something. The world will open up for me.

Empowering words which I utilize in my daily communication with others and myself, which lift my state of mind are:

Positive, strong, crush it, just do it, energy, excitement, passion, motion.

An example of how I use empowering words to transform a negative thought or statement into a positive one is:

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right. So think that you can and don't put limits on what you can do or who you are.

Transformation Week #4: The Big Forgive

This was was a little too personal to post on my public blog. It was a hard exercise to do. I've procrastinated over it for weeks. And even today, I found multiple things to do instead of sitting still and finishing this exercise. Even now I am writing about doing it vs. actually doing it.

Ok. All done now to the best of my ability. I forgive with grace and mercy regardless of whether the person deserves it or not. It is as much for my benefit as theirs.

New beginnings

So this past week I signed up with a personal trainer, Jeff, at Gold's Gym. I was kind of fed up and feeling hopeless and down. I think I was also frustrated because I had been feeling sick. My stomach had been upset for a week and I was so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. So I signed up for 32 sessions. Big investment. I thought that I would be less likely to let my trainer down then myself. Sort of sad, right? I worked out for the first time on Wednesday. It was great. Jeff said he could tell I had been an athlete because of my form on my squats and later on with my punches. That made me feel so proud and encouraged. I told him I would do cardio in the mornings and then work out with him M, W, F for strength training. On Thursday, Sat, and Sun I did Turbo Kick 101, a half hour workout. I am down close to 15lbs from my highest weight, which is nice.

I've tried to be more thoughtful about what I eat. I haven't been totally on point, but I think I've been doing better. Been trying to watch portion size and eating every few hours. I did have a burrito bowl at Chipolte yesterday and realize that it was much too much food and could have been split into two meals. Thinking more about that. Sandwiches I can eat half at a time, maybe with a cup of soup.

I will get back to my tranformation exercises. Maybe not today because I am cleaning up, but will do it mos def.

So this week I am looking forward to three workouts with my trainer, better eating, cardio at least five times this week on my own, and meals at 2-3 hour intervals.

Onward and downward!

Challenge Week 3: Transforming Your Lowest Level Habit

"Breaking free from the chains of unhealthy behaviors can allow you to take a quantum leap forward in your life. But until you do, there's no end to the amount of time we can spend imprisoned, missing out on the full spectrum of what life has to offer."

"The unhealthy behavior is what someone does, not what someone is."

I think I might be addicted to tv and gossip blogs and facebook. They take me out of my reality and keep me from accomplishing what I need to accomplish. The time spent on tv and those sites can be spent working, working out, finding solutions for my problems. Instead, it is a big escape and time suck. I can't even sleep without the sounds of the tv to mask any house sounds which cause me such anxiety at night. Because of them I don't sleep well. They aren't adding to my life. Also, I eat mindlessly in front of both.

After careful consideration, I've become aware that my lowest level habit - the one which will most interfere with my future health and happiness is:

Watching too much television and browsing gossip websites.

I now hold the intention of being freed from chains of my unhealthy habit.

Yes, I hold the intention of being freed from the chains of watching too much television and mindlessly browsing gossip websites at work.

Knowing that if I were able to overcome this negative pattern on my own, I would have done it by now, I am asking for help from:

God, my therapist.

Three unhealthy feelings that originate from my lowest level habit are:

Helplessness -- I feel like these things are more powerful than I am
Disgust -- I am mad that hours have gone by and I have nothing to show for it
Depression -- Sad and angry with myself for doing the same thing over and over

Three ways these feelings interfere with my life are:

I find it hard to do positive things for myself.
I can't operative from a negative position so I feel lost and hopeless.
I lose confidence in myself, which also keeps me from doing positive, productive things.

Three conditions that trigger my lowest level habit are:

Feeling overwhelmed
Stress
Loneliness

Three people who will help support and keep me accountable as I work to overcome this personal challenge are:

My therapist
My friends
My sisters

Three feelings I'll have when I'm freed from this unhealthy habit are:

I'll feel in control, productive, and confident.

Three ways my life will improve from transcending my lowest level habit are:

I'll be healthier and more rested.
I'll be more productive at work and therefore more confident.
I'll be mindfully taking control of my life.