Lessons and Progress

Read over my earlier entries -- especially the Transformation Week #1. My mindset is so much more positive now! I do have ups and downs and sometimes slip into old, discouraging ways of thinking but I am more aware of it and work hard to change my thoughts.

Yesterday I was in Zumba and I totally wasn't feeling it. My spirit was low, I felt sluggish. I thought back to something I learned in Intensati. During an Intensati workout you say affirmations so you can connect that thought, that feeling with the movement. So during that class, I tried to remember how great I felt in the past with the movement -- not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually. And I felt something inside of me start to change, I wiggled it -- more than a little bit. I let loose in that class and did everything except make jazz faces while I did the movement (although that wasn't too far behind). If we can control our thoughts, we can be so powerful! Of course, this is an ongoing process for me, but if you do it once, you can do it again.

My trainer, Jeff, and I have added boxing to my workouts. The combos can be tough but with repetition you gain muscle memory and eventually the movements become second nature. You can do them with good form without even thinking because you have the fundamentals down. I think this applies to so much in life. If we keep practicing the right thing -- whether it is treating people right, getting enough rest, making good eating choices -- eventually it becomes second nature and doesn't feel like a struggle. Keeping that in mind helps me because I realize that I am on a journey and even if I don't get it right this time, just by doing it I am setting myself up for success in the future.

Just finished a workout that lasted for more than 70 minutes. Who? What? I did that! I never thought I would be able to do a workout that lasted for more than half an hour. But I've been taking Zumba for an hour, working out with Jeff for an hour, and thought I was strong enough to hold myself accountable for that longer workout without the support of a class or instructor. Now, I didn't do every movement perfectly or with as much intensity as I would have liked, but I know I will grow into it.

More to come!

Week #6: Positive Mindset

"Making and maintaining meaningful change requires something much more than reshaping your body. You must strengthen your ability to control, refocus and renew your mind on a daily basis. When you do, you'll be able to transform procrastination, uncertainty and negativity into authentic confidence, positive focus and brightened clarity. And that is going to help you transform your life." -- Bill Phillips

Three examples of uncertain thoughts I have experienced so far in this challenge process which have caused me to delay or procrastinate are:

Why am I doing this? I have done it before and failed and I will fail this time too.
My stomach is never going to go down.
I can't do this. It is too much.

Three new empowering thoughts which I can shift my attention to are:

All those failures have set you up for success. You can't be a success without the failure to learn from.
My health is improving and my stomach is getting stronger and smaller.
Every day is another step toward my goals, and the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Take it one day at a time.

A description of how I envision my future, healthier self goes like this:

I'll be going up steps and feeling invigorated. I'll be very physical and will feel motivated. My core will be strong and I will compete in something. The world will open up for me.

Empowering words which I utilize in my daily communication with others and myself, which lift my state of mind are:

Positive, strong, crush it, just do it, energy, excitement, passion, motion.

An example of how I use empowering words to transform a negative thought or statement into a positive one is:

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right. So think that you can and don't put limits on what you can do or who you are.

Transformation Week #4: The Big Forgive

This was was a little too personal to post on my public blog. It was a hard exercise to do. I've procrastinated over it for weeks. And even today, I found multiple things to do instead of sitting still and finishing this exercise. Even now I am writing about doing it vs. actually doing it.

Ok. All done now to the best of my ability. I forgive with grace and mercy regardless of whether the person deserves it or not. It is as much for my benefit as theirs.

New beginnings

So this past week I signed up with a personal trainer, Jeff, at Gold's Gym. I was kind of fed up and feeling hopeless and down. I think I was also frustrated because I had been feeling sick. My stomach had been upset for a week and I was so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. So I signed up for 32 sessions. Big investment. I thought that I would be less likely to let my trainer down then myself. Sort of sad, right? I worked out for the first time on Wednesday. It was great. Jeff said he could tell I had been an athlete because of my form on my squats and later on with my punches. That made me feel so proud and encouraged. I told him I would do cardio in the mornings and then work out with him M, W, F for strength training. On Thursday, Sat, and Sun I did Turbo Kick 101, a half hour workout. I am down close to 15lbs from my highest weight, which is nice.

I've tried to be more thoughtful about what I eat. I haven't been totally on point, but I think I've been doing better. Been trying to watch portion size and eating every few hours. I did have a burrito bowl at Chipolte yesterday and realize that it was much too much food and could have been split into two meals. Thinking more about that. Sandwiches I can eat half at a time, maybe with a cup of soup.

I will get back to my tranformation exercises. Maybe not today because I am cleaning up, but will do it mos def.

So this week I am looking forward to three workouts with my trainer, better eating, cardio at least five times this week on my own, and meals at 2-3 hour intervals.

Onward and downward!

Challenge Week 3: Transforming Your Lowest Level Habit

"Breaking free from the chains of unhealthy behaviors can allow you to take a quantum leap forward in your life. But until you do, there's no end to the amount of time we can spend imprisoned, missing out on the full spectrum of what life has to offer."

"The unhealthy behavior is what someone does, not what someone is."

I think I might be addicted to tv and gossip blogs and facebook. They take me out of my reality and keep me from accomplishing what I need to accomplish. The time spent on tv and those sites can be spent working, working out, finding solutions for my problems. Instead, it is a big escape and time suck. I can't even sleep without the sounds of the tv to mask any house sounds which cause me such anxiety at night. Because of them I don't sleep well. They aren't adding to my life. Also, I eat mindlessly in front of both.

After careful consideration, I've become aware that my lowest level habit - the one which will most interfere with my future health and happiness is:

Watching too much television and browsing gossip websites.

I now hold the intention of being freed from chains of my unhealthy habit.

Yes, I hold the intention of being freed from the chains of watching too much television and mindlessly browsing gossip websites at work.

Knowing that if I were able to overcome this negative pattern on my own, I would have done it by now, I am asking for help from:

God, my therapist.

Three unhealthy feelings that originate from my lowest level habit are:

Helplessness -- I feel like these things are more powerful than I am
Disgust -- I am mad that hours have gone by and I have nothing to show for it
Depression -- Sad and angry with myself for doing the same thing over and over

Three ways these feelings interfere with my life are:

I find it hard to do positive things for myself.
I can't operative from a negative position so I feel lost and hopeless.
I lose confidence in myself, which also keeps me from doing positive, productive things.

Three conditions that trigger my lowest level habit are:

Feeling overwhelmed
Stress
Loneliness

Three people who will help support and keep me accountable as I work to overcome this personal challenge are:

My therapist
My friends
My sisters

Three feelings I'll have when I'm freed from this unhealthy habit are:

I'll feel in control, productive, and confident.

Three ways my life will improve from transcending my lowest level habit are:

I'll be healthier and more rested.
I'll be more productive at work and therefore more confident.
I'll be mindfully taking control of my life.

Tranformation Challenge Week #2

Healthy Spaces Makeover
"What we surround ourselves with we tend to become."

Three people whom I can count on to support and encourage me, as well as help me be accountable for the work I need to do in order to reach my transformation goals are:

My therapist -- he is encouraging me to workout and take better care of myself
My sister, J -- she is trying to tranform herself as well
My friend, C -- she lives a healthy lifestyle

Three people who may not, at this time, empower or support my efforts to transform are:

SO-- has too much stress of his own
JTG -- doesn't know how

Three places I can be which will empower or support my efforts to transform are:

Central Park
Health food store
Gym/Fitness class

Three places I've been in the last few months which I may need to avoid are:

My desk at work: Can't quite avoid it but I am too sedentary and don't move around enough during the day.
My sofa while watching television -- I can literally feel myself getting fatter
Starbucks -- Sugary drinks, cow milk vs. soy, high calorie snacks. Not a good place for me.

I also need to declutter my home.

I took my measurements today. Did everything except for my weight. That number holds too much power for me. I might weight next month or in a few months. I think I will concentrate on getting my measurements down and blood sugar in control. I also took my before photos. The Transformation is on!

Week 1: Transformation Challenge

I am doing Bill Phillip's 18-week Transformation Challenge and below are answers to the Week #1 assignment.

1) Transformation is going from a lower to a higher state of being.
2) It's the ending of something old and the beginning of something new.
3) There's a degree of permanence, of irreversibility to it.

-- taken from Bill Phillip's Transformation Challenge, Week #1

HEART AND SOUL/Three values for my life, which I hold deep within my heart:

I want to live with integrity, humility, love, peace, and honor.
I want to honor my body/temple with good nutrition and exercise and achieve my best health.
I want to let people know how much they mean to me.

EMOTIONS/In recent days and weeks, the three most predominant inner feelings I have been experiencing can be specifically described with these words:

Sadness, disgust, frustration.

MINDSET/Three beliefs about my ability to change, which are evident through my past behavior are:

I can't stick with anything.
I am so far in the hole that it is impossible to climb out.
I have exactly the body I deserve.

BODY/Three objectively verifiable and measureable statements which reflect my physical health right now are:

Weight/waist measurement tk
Blood sugar tk
Before pics -- front, back side tk

HEART AND SOUL/Looking forward, 18 weeks from now, describe three things that you are doing which indicate you are more in alignment with your heart-centered values.

I am doing my best at home, work, with my health and giving 100% of my effort.
I am taking good care of myself through regular exercise, better nutrition, and getting the right amount of sleep.
I am fully invested in my family and romantic relationships.

EMOTIONS/Looking forward, 18 weeks from now, the three most predominant inner feelings which describe what I'm experiencing are:

Confident that I can see my transformation through to forever.
Humble about the progress I've made and excited about the growth to come in the future.
Happy because I believe in myself and am part of a larger community of positive energy.

MINDSET/Three new beliefs about my ability to make changes for the better that are evident from my transformation success so far:

I can do it.
I deserve a good life.
Everyday is an opportunity and I will seize it.

BODY/And now, the physical.
Three specific statements which describe the transformed condition of my body, 18 weeks from now, which are objectively verifiable and measureable are:

My weight is 270.
My blood sugar is 90.
My after pictures show definite improvement including a smaller belly.